The shower's a good place to cry

*sigh* what a shit week.  Seriously, they say things happen in three's well I'm up to oh, about 6.  I'm not going to bore you with all the gory details but let's just say the title to this post pretty much says it all.

The family have had a couple of lots of bad news which resulted in many many tears, lots of phone calls and constant thinking and worrying.  DS was rushed to Emergency at 2.45am with a high temp and convulsing, he is now covered in a very nasty looking rash and to top it all off I put ON FUCKING WEIGHT!!  Ok, it was only 100 grams, but seriously I have NO STOMACH and I'm drinking soup!!!  I have an unhealthy relationship with my scales and I know I shouldn't, but up until 2 days ago I was loving them.  Yesterday I jumped on as usual, and couldn't really believe what I saw.  I mean 100 grams is a wet fart for me and so to see the numbers go UP I was shattered.  Only for a bit tho.  I kinda gathered I'd make up for it today and so wasn't too disheartened.  BUT when I got on today they read the exact same weight *sigh, sad face* After loosing an average 500grams A DAY for the past 8 days, I got back in the shower and had a bit of a cry.

I soon got over myself, I had to,  Tomorrow will be another day and sooner or later the numbers will start to go down again.  I really need to just get on those scales once a week, but in the beginning it was just too exciting watching the numbers drop so much.  I'm down 17kgs now so I should be happy about that.

I have my appt with my Dietitian tomorrow and so I'll be happy to get a list of foods I can start experimenting with.  Up until now, I've been to scared to have anything other than liquid for the fear of chucking, I'm not the most graceful of spewers so I've been trying to avoid it.  I'm still having food envy and I'm still thinking about missing out.  I miss red meat, pizza and cheese scones with butter, in fact I'd murder a piece of toast right now.  That's all, just a piece of toast.  I know, I know things are going to get better and the pay off will be the weight loss, well it's what I signed up for isn't it?  I have had sparing thoughts of, 'what have I done?' and then it scares me to think, fuck, I can't go back.  Ever.  It's all just so huge, the change in everything, it's sent me back to the shower for many more cries.  I'm usually alot tougher than this.

There were a couple of highlights this week tho.  I took the dressings off my wounds and they are healing nicely, however there is one that has a stitch slightly poking out.  My 2yr old DD decided that I needed a 'Dora' to 'make it better', so I now have a Dora sticking plaster stuck to my belly :)  I've also managed to get out and do a few walks and I've spent loads of time at parks around the Peninsula.  DS just wants to eat my phone ...

Squeezes
MrsK x