You know those days..

You know those days when you just don't want to function?  You don't want to adult, think, talk, you're so tired you just can't fathom putting one foot in from of the other?  There's no energy to even butter a piece of toast, which you won't eat anyway because for some stupid reason you've given up carbs.  Where the tears don't stop, your eyes go all red and puffy and you don't want to see anyone and the only reason you left the house was because you had to do school drop off and pick up.  That you think about your dead son and your dead Mother and your dead dog but you definitely know you just want to talk to your Mum, say sorry to your son and cuddle your dog.  That what you really want is a pikelet with butter, more than one but you don't because you'd feel so fucking guilty if you did. And then you DO eat 3 pikelets and the guilt lasts for an hour.  When the kids are just not listening to you and you yell louder and louder, till you start crying again and you have to go and sit on the toilet with your pants on which feels weird, just for a breather.  When you have so much to do that you do NOTHING and the kids can't find any socks or school pants because you haven't done any folding and you still feel like a dick because you ate pikelets?

Today was hard.

So I had a hot shower, two panadol and went to bed.